This week has been a great week for me apart from one incident at work but that's all I feel, want and am prepared to say about it. I had my appraisal though and apart from two categories I achieved Above Average but I have to agree with the assessment and reasons why I didn't get higher marks on the two categories where I didn't get the Above rating. What was discussed were the improvements in my demeanour, attitude and outlook recently and how I am coping with the depression so I was dead pleased with that. It was agreed that my personal objectives were to start believing in myself, my abilities and what I have to offer the company. I'm glad that other people are noticing the changes I am going through, because I don't think that anyone can really see themselves how others see them. While lots of people say they do not to care what others think, we are, at the end of the day,
creatures who want and need to fit into a social environment both privately and within the workplace. Humans are
psychologically suited to interdependence. Social anxiety
is really just a self imposed response to the threat of exclusion; feeling
that we're not accepted by a group leaves us agitated and depressed. The ability to work out how people see us is what enables us to
connect to others and to enjoy the deep satisfaction that
comes with those ties. We can't be a fly on the wall as people pick us apart after meeting us so
we are left to rely on the accuracy of what psychologists call our
"metaperceptions"—the ideas we have about others' ideas about us.
The bottom line: It comes down to what you think about yourself.
This is an area where I greatly need to improve and enable myself to move forward and get away from the negative imagery I have created for myself over the years.
My new hobby has enabled me to start this process and while it is still early days, I have found myself being less and less bothered about other people's opinions of me. They are just opinions and not facts, so while one person may dislike me for one reason another person may find that particular trait in my character appealing. There are almost certainly going to be people who I meet and have contact with who don't particularly like me, I know I have a number of people who I would rather not spend any amount of time with on my list, but for whatever reason that isn't their problem, it is mine. By the same token it is the problem of anyone who dislikes me and not mine and I am not prepared to waste any more time or energy worrying about it. For years I have worried and stressed about people not liking me and used humour to shield myself from the fact, going through life thinking that if I can make someone laugh then they will like me. This goes way back to when my Dad used to say "Who's thick ?" and I would jump up shouting "I am, I am" because it made him laugh, therefore I thought he liked me. I very quickly developed the role of joker so others would follow suit and like me for my humour. I'm never going to stop being a joker, but I think from now on it will be for different reasons.
Now this week has also been a great week for the new hobby and I have managed to get out by the lakes on no less than three occasions. First was on Sunday when I made my way over to the Clent Hills and fished the top pool at Dayhouse Farm Fisheries. I went on my own, the first session of solo fishing since the infamous day at West Smethwick Park and Smethwick canal when I registered a big old zero. I needed to do this to prove to myself that it was because I had gone with a blasé attitude and expected to catch something, had gone at things like a bull at a gate and not prepared correctly. This time I went with a plan and knew that I should have prepared correctly, spent time finding depths, pre-feeding the swim and setting up correctly. I had been watching online videos on YouTube and had taken on-board the info I gleaned from them and acted accordingly when I reached the lakeside.
The water was very muddy with lots and lots of sediment which made it impossible to see any more than a few inches below the surface, unfortunately I hadn't watched that bloody video so was buggered from the start but undeterred I ploughed on and set up a waggler float, fed up the margins of the swim on either side of the peg and fired about 5 or 6 maggots into open water about 10 to 15 metres out. I had decided to give the new rod and reel that I had bought in Llandudno earlier in the week when I had been sent there by work, and despite a slow start I settled down underneath an oak tree growing right on the bank's edge and enjoyed the solitude. After about an hour of no bites or even remote interest from our fishy friends I began to think that maybe I was due to another session where I had to admit to 'dry-netting', but suddenly the float dropped in the water. I waited and it went under the surface again but came straight up again, there was something showing an interest so I threw 3 or 4 maggots around the float and sure enough it disappeared again. I struck the line and was rewarded with a small roach. I had done it, I had proved to myself that I COULD fish solo, I had such a huge smile on my face. This was quickly followed up by a much bigger fish that put up a much better fight and I had to concentrate on playing the fish or risk losing it and maybe my hook if the line snapped. The fish came to the surface and I saw how much bigger this was than the previous one. It was about 9 or 10 inches long and had a thick body and was putting up a bit of a fight. I lost my balance and slipped on the bank but just about managed to stop myself from going in but also held onto the rod which took some doing. I got my landing net out and scooped the fish into the net so I could safely unhook it on my funky new Unhooking Mat. I first thought that I had got myself a big Roach which would have blown my Personal Best away and the scales showed that I had a fish of 1lb 6oz. I was ecstatic, my previous best was 6oz, this was a whole pound heavier. I photographed it and posted straight onto facebook fom the bankside. I had come to the fishery early in the afternoon when the sun was out and it was warm but now the rain-clouds were gathering to the north above Dudley and the temperature had dropped to a point where it was starting to get uncomfortable being dressed in just shorts and a t-shirt, but undeterred I carried on until the owner came down to tell me it was 20.45 and he was locking up in 15 minutes. I managed one last cast and got myself another new species, a Silver Bream weighing about 4oz. When I arrived home I looked on facebook and discovered that my Roach was not a Roach, it was an Ide / Orfe. It was great that I had another species off the list, but the fact that my Roach PB remained at 6oz took a little (not all though) of the shine off it.
On Monday I had to drive to Derby for training on a new contract with the Project Delivery Lead, Luke Smith and a few others. Damian wasn't there but he did call me to see if I could slope off and go fishing up at Woodhall Lakes, Bulwell with him. I said that as much as I would love to, I wasn't going to be able to get away because I had to go to a store later with Luke and run through the procedures. Damian went off in an attempt to break his PB for a Carp which had been stuck on 10lbs for a while. He was determined to catch something, especially after drawing a blank a few weeks before. After finishing the job and getting home I was delighted to see posted on our Fishing Club page, that he had indeed managed to beat his PB with a 16lb Carp.
The next day I had a call off Damian telling me about his catch and that he fancied going back that day for a bit more fishing. He had also heard that there was a job that evening in Nottingham at a well known High Street store that sells natural beauty products. He said that he was going to try and get put onto the job and would be off to Woodhall later that afternoon. After about 30 minutes he called again to say that they had agreed to send him and so was I up for a bit of fishing. I was off like a shot and arrived at the lake about 11.30am. This meant we now had until 4.30pm at the latest before we had to pack up and leave for the job so we set upand soon had our hooks out there. Damian was after another Carp, while I was content just fishing the margins and reed beds for 'tiddlers. The fact that made our bonus fishing session even sweeter was that we knew Luke, in his role as Project Manager of tonight's job, was stuck behind his desk while we were playing. Of course we could not leave such an opportunity to wind him up alone and so we regularly updated him on how things were going. I managed to beat my Roach PB at last and hooked a nice 8oz specimen and several other decent fish including a 1lb Common, but time beat us and we had to leave after having 6 hours in the sunshine.
We were sent back to Nottingham the next night and things went slightly awry with the job and we didn't finish until very late so by the time I got home it was well past midnight. With no job scheduled for the Thursday and after having a late finish the night before I saw that an opportunity had presented itself for a bit of fishing. Could I really get away with a day spent fishing and being paid for the pleasure ?...It was too good to be true really but I decided to see if I could. I headed off to Dayhouse Fisheries for the day and arrived there about 11.15am and decided to try the bottom pool this time which was a lot clearer than the top pool which I fished on Sunday. I set up next to the car park and picked a peg right in the corner so I had several swims to concentrate on and began feding them up with the little and often method I had read about in the fishing journals. After about 2 hours of fishing in the glorious Worcestershine sunshine I had an email come through from work about a meeting I was required for in about an hours time. I was in a bit of a sticky situation now and had to call up to see what it was about only to be told that it was my yearly appraisal and it had to be done today. "Okay" I said "I'll be there about 5ish though" I had to pack everything away but I was determined to make it back to the lake afterwards so just chucked all my gear in the van and headed to Derby. Now I'm not accusing anyone of being a git, but when I walked into the office I was greeted by the smiling face of Luke. It would appear thatthe opportunity to wind me up had arose and he took it with both hands....The horrible git. Once the meeting was over I was back on the A38 heading south in the hope of getting back in time to get a few hours fishing in before the gates closed at 9pm. I must have broken a few speed limits because I was back on the bank by 7.45pm and finished off the day with a few new species, namely Gudgeon, Bream and Skimmers.
That gets me up to date with my fishing trips and on each time I am learning something new about myself which is helping me deal with the depression. I have still got a long way to go before I can really say that I am over it, but with time I know I will get there and I look forward to even more fishing adventures along the way. As I am coming to the end of this particular entry there are plans afoot to go over to Woodhall again later this afternoon and get a few hours in as the sun sets just to see what we can catch when the feeding frenzy begins. I have also decided to follow the advice of Mark Woodward and see if this blog would be of interest to others and I am writing to the Angler's Mail to see if they could give it a mention sometime....
This is an area where I greatly need to improve and enable myself to move forward and get away from the negative imagery I have created for myself over the years.
My new hobby has enabled me to start this process and while it is still early days, I have found myself being less and less bothered about other people's opinions of me. They are just opinions and not facts, so while one person may dislike me for one reason another person may find that particular trait in my character appealing. There are almost certainly going to be people who I meet and have contact with who don't particularly like me, I know I have a number of people who I would rather not spend any amount of time with on my list, but for whatever reason that isn't their problem, it is mine. By the same token it is the problem of anyone who dislikes me and not mine and I am not prepared to waste any more time or energy worrying about it. For years I have worried and stressed about people not liking me and used humour to shield myself from the fact, going through life thinking that if I can make someone laugh then they will like me. This goes way back to when my Dad used to say "Who's thick ?" and I would jump up shouting "I am, I am" because it made him laugh, therefore I thought he liked me. I very quickly developed the role of joker so others would follow suit and like me for my humour. I'm never going to stop being a joker, but I think from now on it will be for different reasons.
Now this week has also been a great week for the new hobby and I have managed to get out by the lakes on no less than three occasions. First was on Sunday when I made my way over to the Clent Hills and fished the top pool at Dayhouse Farm Fisheries. I went on my own, the first session of solo fishing since the infamous day at West Smethwick Park and Smethwick canal when I registered a big old zero. I needed to do this to prove to myself that it was because I had gone with a blasé attitude and expected to catch something, had gone at things like a bull at a gate and not prepared correctly. This time I went with a plan and knew that I should have prepared correctly, spent time finding depths, pre-feeding the swim and setting up correctly. I had been watching online videos on YouTube and had taken on-board the info I gleaned from them and acted accordingly when I reached the lakeside.
The water was very muddy with lots and lots of sediment which made it impossible to see any more than a few inches below the surface, unfortunately I hadn't watched that bloody video so was buggered from the start but undeterred I ploughed on and set up a waggler float, fed up the margins of the swim on either side of the peg and fired about 5 or 6 maggots into open water about 10 to 15 metres out. I had decided to give the new rod and reel that I had bought in Llandudno earlier in the week when I had been sent there by work, and despite a slow start I settled down underneath an oak tree growing right on the bank's edge and enjoyed the solitude. After about an hour of no bites or even remote interest from our fishy friends I began to think that maybe I was due to another session where I had to admit to 'dry-netting', but suddenly the float dropped in the water. I waited and it went under the surface again but came straight up again, there was something showing an interest so I threw 3 or 4 maggots around the float and sure enough it disappeared again. I struck the line and was rewarded with a small roach. I had done it, I had proved to myself that I COULD fish solo, I had such a huge smile on my face. This was quickly followed up by a much bigger fish that put up a much better fight and I had to concentrate on playing the fish or risk losing it and maybe my hook if the line snapped. The fish came to the surface and I saw how much bigger this was than the previous one. It was about 9 or 10 inches long and had a thick body and was putting up a bit of a fight. I lost my balance and slipped on the bank but just about managed to stop myself from going in but also held onto the rod which took some doing. I got my landing net out and scooped the fish into the net so I could safely unhook it on my funky new Unhooking Mat. I first thought that I had got myself a big Roach which would have blown my Personal Best away and the scales showed that I had a fish of 1lb 6oz. I was ecstatic, my previous best was 6oz, this was a whole pound heavier. I photographed it and posted straight onto facebook fom the bankside. I had come to the fishery early in the afternoon when the sun was out and it was warm but now the rain-clouds were gathering to the north above Dudley and the temperature had dropped to a point where it was starting to get uncomfortable being dressed in just shorts and a t-shirt, but undeterred I carried on until the owner came down to tell me it was 20.45 and he was locking up in 15 minutes. I managed one last cast and got myself another new species, a Silver Bream weighing about 4oz. When I arrived home I looked on facebook and discovered that my Roach was not a Roach, it was an Ide / Orfe. It was great that I had another species off the list, but the fact that my Roach PB remained at 6oz took a little (not all though) of the shine off it.
 |
| My IDE / Orfe |
On Monday I had to drive to Derby for training on a new contract with the Project Delivery Lead, Luke Smith and a few others. Damian wasn't there but he did call me to see if I could slope off and go fishing up at Woodhall Lakes, Bulwell with him. I said that as much as I would love to, I wasn't going to be able to get away because I had to go to a store later with Luke and run through the procedures. Damian went off in an attempt to break his PB for a Carp which had been stuck on 10lbs for a while. He was determined to catch something, especially after drawing a blank a few weeks before. After finishing the job and getting home I was delighted to see posted on our Fishing Club page, that he had indeed managed to beat his PB with a 16lb Carp.
 |
| Damian strikes a catalogue model pose with his prized catch. |
The next day I had a call off Damian telling me about his catch and that he fancied going back that day for a bit more fishing. He had also heard that there was a job that evening in Nottingham at a well known High Street store that sells natural beauty products. He said that he was going to try and get put onto the job and would be off to Woodhall later that afternoon. After about 30 minutes he called again to say that they had agreed to send him and so was I up for a bit of fishing. I was off like a shot and arrived at the lake about 11.30am. This meant we now had until 4.30pm at the latest before we had to pack up and leave for the job so we set upand soon had our hooks out there. Damian was after another Carp, while I was content just fishing the margins and reed beds for 'tiddlers. The fact that made our bonus fishing session even sweeter was that we knew Luke, in his role as Project Manager of tonight's job, was stuck behind his desk while we were playing. Of course we could not leave such an opportunity to wind him up alone and so we regularly updated him on how things were going. I managed to beat my Roach PB at last and hooked a nice 8oz specimen and several other decent fish including a 1lb Common, but time beat us and we had to leave after having 6 hours in the sunshine.
We were sent back to Nottingham the next night and things went slightly awry with the job and we didn't finish until very late so by the time I got home it was well past midnight. With no job scheduled for the Thursday and after having a late finish the night before I saw that an opportunity had presented itself for a bit of fishing. Could I really get away with a day spent fishing and being paid for the pleasure ?...It was too good to be true really but I decided to see if I could. I headed off to Dayhouse Fisheries for the day and arrived there about 11.15am and decided to try the bottom pool this time which was a lot clearer than the top pool which I fished on Sunday. I set up next to the car park and picked a peg right in the corner so I had several swims to concentrate on and began feding them up with the little and often method I had read about in the fishing journals. After about 2 hours of fishing in the glorious Worcestershine sunshine I had an email come through from work about a meeting I was required for in about an hours time. I was in a bit of a sticky situation now and had to call up to see what it was about only to be told that it was my yearly appraisal and it had to be done today. "Okay" I said "I'll be there about 5ish though" I had to pack everything away but I was determined to make it back to the lake afterwards so just chucked all my gear in the van and headed to Derby. Now I'm not accusing anyone of being a git, but when I walked into the office I was greeted by the smiling face of Luke. It would appear thatthe opportunity to wind me up had arose and he took it with both hands....The horrible git. Once the meeting was over I was back on the A38 heading south in the hope of getting back in time to get a few hours fishing in before the gates closed at 9pm. I must have broken a few speed limits because I was back on the bank by 7.45pm and finished off the day with a few new species, namely Gudgeon, Bream and Skimmers.
That gets me up to date with my fishing trips and on each time I am learning something new about myself which is helping me deal with the depression. I have still got a long way to go before I can really say that I am over it, but with time I know I will get there and I look forward to even more fishing adventures along the way. As I am coming to the end of this particular entry there are plans afoot to go over to Woodhall again later this afternoon and get a few hours in as the sun sets just to see what we can catch when the feeding frenzy begins. I have also decided to follow the advice of Mark Woodward and see if this blog would be of interest to others and I am writing to the Angler's Mail to see if they could give it a mention sometime....
No comments:
Post a Comment